150+ Witty One Line Status On Attitude


  • A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

  • A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes…

  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong & a tax is a fine for doing well..!

  • A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.

  • Adventure isn’t hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life.

  • All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

  • Always identify who to blame in an emergency.

  • An optimist believes that we live in the best world. A pessimist is afraid that it might be true.

  • Argument with a woman is like reading the software license agreement. At the end, you ignore everything and click I agree.

  • Atheists don’t solve exponential equations because they don’t believe in higher powers.

  • ATTITUDE – If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

  • Attitudes are contagious.  Do you want people around you to catch yours?

  • Be like a postage stamp.  Stick to a thing till you get there.

  • Before having a kid, the most important thing to ask yourself is am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?

  • Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.

  • Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can’t hit me with them.

  • Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Face book account.

  • Better to understand a little, than to misunderstand a lot.

  • Can you do me a favor? Take a picture of yourself, and send it to me. I am playing cards and seem to be missing the Joker.

  • Cleaning mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

  • Common sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it most never use it.

  • Diet Day #1 – I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

  • Do more things that make you to forget to check your phone.

  • Don’t confuse my personality and my attitude because my personality is me and my attitude depends on you.

  • Don’t look at me.  I am looking smart.

  • Don’t show me your attitude; my block list is bigger than your friend list.

  • Don’t play with me! Because I know I can PLAY better than you.

  • Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

  • Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

  • Every day I arrive at work with good intentions and a great attitude… then idiots happen.

  • Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

  • Everything always ends well. If not – it’s probably not the end.

  • Everything funnier when you’re supposed to be quiet.

  • For maximum attention, nothing beats a good mistake.

  • From this point on, I am going to treat people exactly how they treat me.   Some should be glad.  Others should be scared.

  • Funny how they say we need to talk when they really mean you need to listen.

  • Girl you’re like a car accident, because I just can’t look away.

  • God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.

  • How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?

  • I always arrive late at office but I make it by leaving early.

  • I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle… He’s dreaming too.

  • I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

  • I am black in complexion, not dark in color.

  • I am going to stand outside.   So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

  • I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

  • I am not arguing.  I am simply explaining why I am right.

  • I am not crazy. I am just special!  No wait… May be I am crazy… one second I have to talk to myself about this, please hold on ….

  • I am not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.

  • I am sugar and spice and everything nice but if you want to mess with me you better think twice.

  • I bought a dictionary and when I got home I realized all the pages were blank; I have no words for how angry I am.

  • I can give a headache to an aspirin.

  • I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

  • I changed my password to “incorrect”.  So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.

  • I don’t have an attitude problem.  I just have a personality that you can’t handle!.

  • I don’t necessarily agree with every thing I say.

  • I don’t need someone to tell me what to do. I need someone to lead me to where I’m headed, but only halfway. Then I’ll take it from there and choose my own path.

  • I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.

  • I grew a beard, thinking it would say “Distinguished Gentleman.” Instead, turns out it says, “Senior Discount, Please!”.

  • I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at.

  • I hate people who steal my ideas, before I think of them!

  • I have learned so much from my mistakes.  I am thinking of making a few more.

  • I like older men because they’ve gotten used to life’s disappointments. Which means they’re ready for me?

  • I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me.

  • I love the F5 key. It´s just so refreshing.

  • I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

  • I may look calm. But in my head I’ve killed you about 5 times.

  • I need a six month vacation, twice a year.

  • I should win an Oscar for acting like I’m busy at work.

  • I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

  • I stopped fighting my inner demons.  We are on the same side now.

  • I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

  • I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

  • I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.

  • I was born cool, Global Warming made me hot.

  • I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

  • I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

  • I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.

  • I am not lazy; I’m a master of energy conservation.

  • I am not mean, I’m brutally honest. It’s not my fault truth hurts. Here’s a band-aid.

  • I have developed a new philosophy. I only dread one day at a time.

  • If attitude could kill… I could be a weapon of mass destruction!!

  • If people say something bad about you, judge you as if they know you, don’t easily get affected.  Remember this, “dogs bark if they don’t know the person”.

  • If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.

  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

  • If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

  • If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘donuts’. I’ll turn around and look.

  • If you didn’t see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears don’t invent it with your small mind and share it with your big mouth!

  • If you don’t like my words, don’t listen. If you don’t like my appearance, don’t look. If you don’t like my actions, turn your head; It’s as simple as that.

  • If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.

  • If you find yourself in a hole. Stop digging.

  • If you have a problem with me, call me.  If you don’t have my number, then that means you don’t’ know me well enough tio have a problem.

  • If you left me without a reason, do not come back with an excuse.

  • If you like me then raise your hands.  If not then raise your standard.

  • If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it’s because I’ve already done it.

  • If you’re going through Hell, keep going.

  • I am currently boycotting any company that sells items I can’t afford.

  • Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.

  • Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century, where deleting history has become more important than making it.

  • It’s funny, when I walk into a spider web I demolish his home and misplace his dinner yet I still feel like the victim.

  • Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

  • Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship’s kitchen.

  • Life is too short to be serious all the time.  So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I will laugh at you.

  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  • Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

  • Middle age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by nine o’clock.

  • Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

  • My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my BED.

  • My attitude is based on how you treat me.

  • My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

  • My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

  • My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.

  • My secret talent is getting tired without doing anything.

  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

  • Never let your friends feel lonely!  Disturb them at all times!

  • Never trust a dog to watch your food.

  • One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re toast.

  • People are making end of the world jokes. Like there is no tomorrow.

  • People said to follow your dreams so I went back to BED.

  • People say everything happens for a reason. So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason

  • People say I have a dirty mind, But I say it’s just creative!

  • People say I have an attitude problem, I say you have the problem and I have the attitude.

  • People say nothing’s impossible, but I do nothing every day.

  • She wanted a puppy. But I didn’t want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

  • Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

  • Some people are just so FAKE that if you look properly at the back of their neck, you’ll find a tag saying “MADE IN CHINA”!!

  • Sometimes the first step to forgiveness, is realizing the other person was born an idiot.

  • Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.

  • Sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war.

  • Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

  • Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

  • The best thing about being me, I’m a limited edition and there are no other copies!

  • The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

  • The human brain is one of the most complex objects in the universe. Is it any wonder that so many people never learn to use it.

  • The moment someone tells me I can’t do something is the moment I stop listening.

  • The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.

  • The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

  • Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

  • Today’s forecast; severe attitude warnings possible throughout the day, scattered sarcasm showers, and a strong chance of annoyance later in the day…

  • Turning vegan is a big missed steak.

  • Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.

  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

  • What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

  • When a woman says, what? It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said.

  • When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wi-fi and wait for them all to come running.

  • When I drink alcohol… Everyone says I’m alcoholic. But! When I drink Fanta… No one says I’m fantastic!

  • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

  • When I’m a pedestrian I hate cars.. When I’m driving I hate pedestrians.

  • When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

  • When nothing seems right then go left.

  • Whenever I think of quitting smoking, I need a cigarette to think.

  • Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?

  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

  • Yes I could improve my attitude, but my insurance doesn’t cover those needs.

  • Yes, you do have a right to your opinion…And I have a right to mine. And my opinion is that your opinion is ridiculously stupid!

  • You can’t climb up hill by thinking downhill thoughts.

  • You need an attitude adjustment… let me get my tools.

  • You’re lucky if you found a person who never gets tired of understanding your nonsense attitude.

  • Your attitude may hurt me, but mine can even kill you.

  • You’re like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

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