Erma Bombeck Quotes

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.

I read one psychologist's theory that said "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?

When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say "I used everything you gave me."

All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Never lend your car to someone you've given birth to.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.