Phyllis Diller Quotes

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Cleaning your house while your children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Money's scarceTimes are hardHere's your fuckingXmas card

In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.