Bauvard Quotes

I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.

If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.

We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.

Injuries heal, but wrinkles are the scars of time.

A man is always devoted to something more tangible than a woman - the idea of her.

Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles.

Men only treat women like princesses when they want to use them like prostitutes.

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.

Every child that receives life advice should keep in mind that in every parent’s past, there’s leftover booze and contraceptives.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Some people won't have kids, but I’m not going to have parents. I’m burning their birth certificates and defacing their gravestones tonight.