Mark Twain Quotes - Page 2

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up.

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Nothing exists; all is a dream. God—man—the world—the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars—a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space—and you!

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.

A public library is the most enduring of memorials, the trustiest monument for the preservation of an event or a name or an affection; for it, and it only, is respected by wars and revolutions, and survives

I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

A hypocritical businessman, whose fortune had been the misfortune of many others, told Mark Twain piously, “Before I die I intend to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I want to climb to the top of Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud.” “I have a better idea,” suggested Twain. “Why don’t you stay right at home in Boston and keep them?

If a cat sits on a hot stove, that cat won't sit on a hot stove again. That cat won't sit on a cold stove either. That cat just don't like stoves.

Put all thine eggs in one basket and - watch that basket.

I lost Susy thirteen years ago; I lost her mother--her incomparable mother!--five and a half years ago; Clara has gone away to live in Europe and now I have lost Jean. How poor I am, who was once so rich! . . . Jean lies yonder, I sit here; we are strangers under our own roof; we kissed hands good-by at this door last night--and it was forever, we never suspecting it. She lies there, and I sit here--writing, busying myself, to keep my heart from breaking. How dazzling the sunshine is flooding the hills around! It is like a mockery. Seventy-four years ago twenty-four days. Seventy-four years old yesterday. Who can estimate my age today?

NOTICEPersons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot.BY ORDER OF THE AUTHORPer G.G.,Chief of Ordnance

The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

It don't make no difference whether you do right or wrong, a person's conscience ain't got no sense, and just goes for him anyway.

A mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, hot and sputtering from the griddle; dusted with fragrant pepper; enriched with little melting bits of butter of the most impeachable freshness and genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trickling out and joining the gravy, archipelagoed with mushrooms; a township or two of tender, yellowish fat gracing an out-lying district of this ample county of beefsteak; the long white bone which divides the sirloin from the tenderloin still in its place.

Evolution is the law of policies: Darwin said it, Socrates endorsed it, Cuvier proved it and established it for all time in his paper on 'The Survival of the Fittest.' These are illustrious names, this is a mighty doctrine: nothing can ever remove it from its firm base, nothing dissolve it, but evolution.