Quotes by Comedy Writers

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

Wait'll next year! is the favorite cry of baseball fans football fans hockey fans and gardeners.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

What if the meek inherited the Earth and we had to defend ourselves from Martians?