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She’s a sickness in my head.”Then get well.What you feel is self-made and attended to over time. You want to let go but are unwilling to let go because you are getting something from it; An escape? An excuse? Bondage?You are idealizing another person, building up the idea of them, and making them a legend in your own mind.Is it really a sickness or something you can control?The question is: do you even want to?Each time a thought creeps into your mind, you choose whether to give it freedom to remain or to wander. You can rebuke it or replace it. After all, it’s your mind.