1. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
2. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
3. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
4. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
5. If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
6. If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
7. If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
William Lyon Phelps
8. If you’re naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don’t like.
9. If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
10. I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
11. Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
E. B. White
12. Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
13. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
14. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
15. Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
16. TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Frank Lloyd Wright
17. Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.
James A. Garfield
18. If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.
Logan Pearsall Smith
19. If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.
20. Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
21. Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
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