Woody Allen Quotes

I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year then I'm going to Lourdes.

Those modern analysts they charge so much! In my day for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work I want to achieve it through not dying.

The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever.

Showing up is eighty percent of life.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

What is fascinating is that it is physical. You know, that's one thing about intellectuals, they've proved that you can be absolute brilliant and have no idea what's going on. But on the other hand, the body doesn't lie, as we now know. Nono, it'll be great, because all of those ph.Ds are in there, like, discussing modes of alienation, and we'll be in here quietly humping.