Groucho Marx Quotes

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.