Lois Greiman Quotes

Dating--the socially accepted alternative to the rack.

False hope is better than no hope at all.

Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.

Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is a hell of a lot more effective in court. So your set, McMullen

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not

You really don't know a person until you spend some time in their panties.

Generally, men are superior in the areas of heavy lifting, where there's a past only by pachyderms and building cranes. Beyond that, I believe any right-thinking thinking will see that women have the indisputable advantage.

Marriage is like a toothbrush. It starts out smooth and gets kind of prickly towards the end.

Maybe life does suck, Pork Chop, but it beats the hell out of the alternative.

Life is what you make it. Unless some guy finds you with his girl. Then the ball's pretty much in his court.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

Every morning I read the obituaries. If it ain't there I make myself a cup of tea and carry on like I have the past century or so.

He's just a flash in the pants.

Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars.

In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice.

There is no greater hell than realizing you're in love with the guy you hate.

Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair.

Maybe in fairytales you're only as old as you feel, but here in L. A. you're every second as old as your pores.

When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all.

Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.