Bill Watterson Quotes

Calvin:"It says here that 'religion is the opiate of the masses.'...what do you suppose that means?"Television: "...it means that Karl Marx hadn't seen anything yet

CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment.

Calvin: Why are you crying mom?Mom: I'm cutting up an onion.Calvin: It must be hard to cook if you anthrpomorphisize your vegetables.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

Rainy days should be spent at home with a cup of tea and a good book.

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse

If you can't win by reason, go for volume.

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

Hello Dad! It is now three in the morning. Do you know where I am?

You know, maybe we don't need enemies.""Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin. Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

Some days you get up and you already know that things aren't going to go well. They're the type of days when you should just give in, put your pajamas back on, make some hot chocolate and read comic books in bed with the covers up until the world looks more encouraging. Of course, they never let you do that.

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

Susie: Hi Calvin! Aren't you excited about going to school? Look at all these great school supplies I got! I love having new notebooks and stuff!Calvin:All I've got to say is they're not making me learn any foreign languages. If English is good enough for me, then by golly, it's good enough for the rest of the world! Everyone should just speak English or shut up, that's what I say!Susie: You should maybe check the chemical content of your breakfast cereal.

I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who's been up too late.

I'm a misunderstood genius.""What's misunderstood?""Nobody thinks I'm a genius.

Maybe we can eventually make language a complete impediment to understanding.