Quotes by Comedians - Page 8

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I'm proud to be a work in progress.

I used to have a lot of faith in humanity before the advent of the website "comment" section.

Alternative facts and fake news are just other names for propaganda

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and to have the two as close together as possible.

Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.

Oh Satan you're a wily one.

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.