Funny Humor Quotes

Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs.

Believe you me, I am all for you; and wish you well - for you to go to hell.

Holy mama llama. That’s Nathanial Stone. Nathanial Stone is sitting in my booth. Nathanial Stone is in the Finewhile Diner sitting in my booth. I’m supposed to wait on Nathanial Stone. I’m going to make a fool out of myself. I just know it. I can feel it coming. Crap.

You want to break the curse, I want to break the curse. We don't need to be nice. We need to be effective. Just help me figure it out, and I'll make you a rich woman.

Will you promise to keep this to yourself, to not tell anyone of what we are?” By his words you’d think he was giving me a choice. Like I could say,no deal, honey bunch, I’m off to shout your secret from the rooftops, and he’d be like, oh no please don’t do that. Inreality, he’d have to kill me.

Everything is going as planned until I notice that Ashley has barely touched her wine glass or food after ordering the priciest bottle and several of the most expensive dishes on the menu.From "My Worst Valentine's Day.Ever: a Short Story

I don't want to dig him or his sexy self. But I keep losing my clothes when I'm with him.

Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat.

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

The wife’s gotta know. You can’t hook up like that for what looks like about six or seven years without the wife figuring it out. Unless she’s another idiot.“I’m not an idiot.”Smiling, Roarke continued to stroke. “I’ll keep that in mind when I decide to have a long-term affair.”“Yeah, you do that. They’ll never find your body,” she murmured, then dropped into sleep.His smiled warmed, and feeling well loved, he dropped off with her.

Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” - Owen

The neck in front of her came up. The head swivelled 180 degrees and the horse looked at Kin with bright insectile eyes.'YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND,' it said inside Kin's head.'Hell!''THOSE ARE NOT MEANINGFUL CO-ORDINATES.

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet.

I love you silly 'holy' book. Here's hoping everybody un-reads it.

Please follow these instructions:1. Stack the pages of this letter neatly. 2. Roll the pages up into a cylinder. 3. Smack yourself over the head with it. 4. Repeat. You complete ass.

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business.

Do not believe in a god who is as silly, and meaner than you. For, that would surely be your higher-self, and your stupid alter-ego.

Don't worry. Life goes on. With or without you. So, live it, while it's given you.

Care to explain?” Ari asked.“Didn’t you see my signals?”“Yeah. But they didn’t make sense. Five into one and it’s an intrusion.”“It’s an illusion! Five of them are an illusion.”“That’s not the signal for illusion. This is.” Ari demonstrated the proper signal.“That’s what I did.”“No, you didn’t. You did a weird twisty thing with your pinky.”“I had a scimitar at my throat. I’d like to see you try signaling under those conditions.”-Janco and Ari bickering

Laughter is the best medicine

Play and be happy.

So, your god is the only god? Okay, but then, so is my dog.