Quotes by Satirists - Page 5

In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people’s faeces more disgusting than a bird’s droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A writer’s primary goal is to make sense. The bookstore’s is to make cents.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Committees kill unconventional ideas for a living.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Just like how most if not all poor boys look up to and aspire to someday be rich men, most if not all underdeveloped and developing countries look up to and aspire to someday be developed countries.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of women that he is convinced he is in love with, or, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If love wasn’t conditional, every single first encounter with individuals of your 'preferred' gender would result in *love at first sight.*

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

a story is ready when it falls from your face

Steve Aylett

Technically, you cannot really own a book you bought; you can only own the sheets of paper your copy is printed on; unless, of course, you are the book’s publisher.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero.(Pluck the day [for it is ripe], trusting as little as possible in tomorrow.)

Horace

All animals except man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.

Samuel Butler

People care more about being thought to have good taste than about being thought either good clever or amiable.

Samuel Butler

The oldest books are still only just out to those who have not read them.

Samuel Butler

We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.

Alexander Pope

He has half the deed done who has made a beginning.

Horace

Assuming that all ‘unschooled’ people to lack education is akin to assuming that a salary is the only means to make money, or, that a vagina or a penis is the only source of an orgasm.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Ambrose Bierce

Immediately after a divorce or a breakup, your mind whispers that there are plenty more fish in the sea, while your heart shouts that there is only one whoever-you-just-divorced-or-broke-up-with.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To err is human, to forgive, divine.

Alexander Pope

Most men of education are more superstitious than they admit - nay than they think.

G. C. Lichtenberg

This (San Francisco) is the most beautiful city in America, Probably because it looks nothing like America

Ilya Ilf

Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.

Samuel Butler

Bad writers are those who try to express their own feeble ideas in the language of good ones.

G. C. Lichtenberg

Back then: to be regarded as well-known, one had to be great. Today: to be regarded as great, one has to be well-known.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Man would rather be loved for what he has, than be hated for what he lacks.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some mistakes are worse than others: wearing your underwear inside out isn’t as uncomfortable as wearing it back to front.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A salary is a tax employers pay, every four weeks, for putting an employee’s dream on hold.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is a pity because this week the National Association of Beholders wrote to tell me that I've got a face like a rucksack full of dented bells.

Charlie Brooker

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

Stanisław Jerzy Lec

We of this age have discovered a shorter, and more prudent method to become scholars and wits, without the fatigue of reading or of thinking.

Jonathan Swift

One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Ira furor brevis est: animum rege: qui nisi paret imperat.(Anger is a brief madness: govern your mind [temper], for unless it obeys it commands.)

Horace

We all love best not those who offend us least, nor those who have done most for us, but those who make it most easy for us to forgive them.

Samuel Butler

All evil begins with this belief: that another’s existence is less precious than mine.

Tony Hendra

Acquaintance n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.

Ambrose Bierce

Reading leads to knowing more. Knowing more leads to arrogance. Reading further leads to humbleness.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Man is an extremely complex creature: he usually acts in an unselfish manner for selfish reasons.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Air freshener is man’s pitiful attempt to have his food smell as good, after digestion, as they did, before ingestion.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

More often than not, an inspirational or motivational speaker is someone who makes money from telling us that we can do all of the things that we can do … and pretty much all of the things that we cannot do.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.

Horace

It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Being a philosopher requires a lot of thinking and no action. Being a model requires a lot of action and no thinking.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We usually learn from debates that we seldom learn from debates.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It's spider season. Every year, right about now, thousands of the godless eight-legged bastards emerge from the bowels of hell (or the garden, whichever's nearest) with the sole intention of tormenting humankind.

Charlie Brooker

All political parties die at last of swallowing their own lies.

John Arbuthnot

To leave a man's ego bigger, retweet him. To leave his faculty of reasoning better, challenge his tweet.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It has been said that though God cannot alter the past historians can - it is perhaps because they can be useful to Him in this respect that He tolerates their existence.

Samuel Butler

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

Lenny Bruce

Your friends love you for who you are. Your family loves you for what you are.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A man of business may talk of philosophy a man who has none may practise it.

Alexander Pope

I am obsessed with not being obsessed with acquiring material things.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Eve left Adam to meet the Devil in private.

Alexander Pope

Though man needs to live to believe, he does not need to believe to live.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Contrary to popular belief: Knowing where you are from will not really tell you where you are going. It will merely tell you why you are where you are.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To know what should be going on in a household: spend a few minutes with the wife, or, the husband. To know what’s really going on: spend a few minutes with their kid(s).

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

An incurable itch for scribbling takes possession of many and grows inveterate in their insane breasts.

Juvenal

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