Quotes by Satirists - Page 3

Some people will each start investing more of their salary on ‘their’ house and spending less of it on ‘their’ car or cars only when they start being able to take ‘their’ house to work, funerals, weddings, etc.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

All progress is based upon the universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

Samuel Butler

The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you raising?’ are not identical in all cases: some men are not taking care of their own children, some are knowingly or unknowingly raising other men’s children, and some do not even know that they each have a child, another child, or other children.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Sometimes it is the reader that sucks, not the book.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We sometimes reveal how ignorant or bored we were when we read a book by giving it 5-stars.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Saepa stilum vertas, iterum quae digna legi sint scripturas. (Turn the stylus [to erase] often if you would write something worthy of being reread.)

Horace

Pale Death with impartial tread beats at the poor man's cottage door and at the palaces of kings.

Horace

Women and foxes being weak are distinguished by superior tact.

Ambrose Bierce

Dare to begin! He who postpones living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses.

Horace

In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Loyalty is still the same, whether it win or lose the game; true as a dial to the sun, although it be not shined upon.

Samuel Butler

I am confident of my ability to demonstrate that one can sometimes believe in something and yet not believe in it. Nothing is less fathomable than the systems that motivate our actions.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Absolute freedom is an illusion. For while an employed man might be free from starvation, he is a slave to his employer's financial aspirations, and, working-hours.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If countries were named after the words you first hear when you go there, England would have to be called "Damn It".

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Speaking about work isn’t working.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We sometimes take photos (or record a video) so that we can later see what was happening while we were busy taking photos (or recording a video).

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

12% of dreams create jobs. 88% of jobs destroy dreams.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

People who get offended by your not saying 'Thank you!' … after they’ve paid you a compliment were merely desperate to be thanked.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Be not the first by whom the new are tried Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.

Alexander Pope

So I say a name, even if self-bestowed, is better than a number. In the register of the potter's field I shall soon have both. What wealth!

Ambrose Bierce

Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Know then thyself presume not God to scan The proper study of mankind is man.

Alexander Pope

Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Faeces by any other name would smell as gross

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In a materialistic society, the dead body of a rich man’s dog is regarded as a corpse; that of a poor man, a carcass.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Ambrose Bierce

Besides what endless brawls by wives are bred,The curtain lecture makes a mournful bed.

Juvenal

12% of employees study further to learn more. 88% of employees study further to earn more.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

For good health, watch what you eat. For a good head, watch what you watch.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

In faith and hope the world will disagree but all mankind's concern is charity.

Alexander Pope

We preoccupy ourselves with what we had — or what we want to have — at the expense of what we have.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

They were obviously headstones of graves, though the graves themselves no longer existed as either mounds or depressions; the years had leveled all. Scattered here and there, more massive blocks showed where some pompous or ambitious monument had once flung its feeble defiance at oblivion.

Ambrose Bierce

Our parents would not be ‘The best parents in the world’ (to us) if they were not our parents.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

If I am right, Thy grace impartStill in the right to stay;If I am wrong, O, teach my heartTo find that better way!

Alexander Pope

A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every living organism to live beyond its income.

Samuel Butler

I think it is true to say only an inferior person has rights. When you hear a person talking about his rights, you may be sure he is trying to gain by dint of shouting something which he lacks ( or had and lost) by reason of some culpable deficiency in himself.

Flann O'Brien

What some invent the rest enlarge.

Jonathan Swift

We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learned to bear its ills without being overcome by them.

Juvenal

He likewise directed, “that every senator in the great council of a nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the defence of it, should be obliged to give his vote directly contrary; because if that were done, the result would infallibly terminate in the good of the public.

Jonathan Swift

A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying in other words that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

Alexander Pope

The feast of reason and the flow of soul.

Alexander Pope

Very few men properly speaking live at present but are providing to live another time.

Jonathan Swift

To err is human to forgive divine.

Alexander Pope

A vagina is an uneducated woman’s diploma.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.

Alexander Pope

When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore.

Jonathan Swift

Don't learn to do, but learn in doing.

Samuel Butler

Luxury is more deadly than any foe.

Juvenal

Investigating Koreiko's case might take a long time," said Ostap. "God only knows how long. And since there is no God, nobody knows. We are in a terrible bind.

Ilya Ilf

He who says that someone isn’t himself is a victim of statistics.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.

Malcolm Muggeridge

To hear how great your friends think you are: fake your death, or, get married.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Millions of business people are each constantly forced to choose between their desire to not be a bad person and their desire to be a good business person, that is to say, to make as much money as they possibly can by maximizing their revenue while minimizing the cost of producing whatever it is that they sell.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some who grow dull religious straight commenceAnd gain in morals what they lose in sense.

Alexander Pope

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