Quotes by Satirists - Page 4

History was not simply a catalogue of the dead and buried and benighted, but rather a vast new world to be pioneered; ...if you approached the past generously, so to speak—its people as humans, not facts, as modern in their time as we were in ours, who thought and felt as we do, the dead would live again, our equals, not our old-fashioned, hopelessly unenlightened, and backward inferiors. Humanity, to be fully known, had to be seen as changeless as well as ever changing.

Tony Hendra

Science gave us forensics. Law gave us crime.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it.

Ambrose Bierce

Growing up is childish.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Order is heaven's first law.

Alexander Pope

His act was rather that of a harmless lunatic than an enemy. We were not so new to the country as not to know that the solitary life of many a plainsman had a tendency to develop eccentricities of conduct and character not always easily distinguishable from mental aberration. A man is like a tree: in a forest of his fellows he will grow as straight as his generic and individual nature permits; alone, in the open, he yields to the deforming stresses and tortions that environ him.

Ambrose Bierce

From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails

Steve Aylett

Free is he who is reputable for not being fearful of losing his reputation.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I don’t think this kind of thing [satire] has an impact on the unconverted, frankly. It’s not even preaching to the converted; it’s titillating the converted. I think the people who say we need satire often mean, ‘We need satire of them, not of us.’ I’m fond of quoting Peter Cook, who talked about the satirical Berlin cabarets of the ’30s, which did so much to stop the rise of Hitler and prevent the Second World War.

Tom Lehrer

Some people respect some people only because some people respect them.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.

Ambrose Bierce

I heard the little bird say so.

Jonathan Swift

To put an arrogant 'famous' singer in her place: pretend to be deaf.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

With Zia's controversial demise in 1988, Jinnah was finally spared the false beard Zia kept pinning on the founder's otherwise clean-shaven face.

Nadeem Farooq Paracha

A specialist’s mind is a slave to his specialization.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

To a fireman, wind is a curse. To a sailor, wind is a blessing.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Anger is a brief madness.

Horace

Your own property is concerned when your neighbor's house is on fire.

Horace

To masturbate is to imagine: physically.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It sounds to me, dear, as if your satirist is a bit like a monk. They both take a rather dim view of the world, and both try to do something abou

Tony Hendra

Remember: God's grief at the unspeakable things we do to one another is beyond measuring, but so is His mercy. It might seem a terrible thing to say to people who've lost and suffered so much at the hands of hatred and violence. But true courage is not to hate our enemy, any more than to fight and kill him. To love him, to love in the teeth of his hate—that is real bravery. That ought to earn people m-m-medals.

Tony Hendra

No wise man ever wished to be younger.

Jonathan Swift

The boring thing with taking a walk with someone is that your thoughts are then dictated by the subject or subjects of your conversation and that is made worse by the fact that most sane people are terrified of silence whenever they are with or near someone.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

A push-up bra is to a woman’s chest … what 'breathing-in' is to a man’s stomach.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

He thought he was walking along a dusty road that showed white in the gathering darkness of a summer night. Whence and whither it led, and why he traveled it, he did not know, though all seemed simple and natural, as is the way in dreams; for in the Land Beyond the Bed surprises cease from troubling and the judgment is at rest.

Ambrose Bierce

Today, the world rewards those with creative and intellectual muscles. So, women and skinny men need to shut up and start thinking.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie for an excuse is a lie guarded.

Alexander Pope

He who is in love with himself has at least this advantage he won't encounter many rivals.

G. C. Lichtenberg

Life humbles the rich by giving them problems that money can’t resolve, or, dissolve. Life enslaves the poor by giving them problems that money can resolve, or, dissolve.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Prayers are to men as dolls are to children.

Samuel Butler

There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.

Ambrose Bierce

To live is like to love - all reason is against it and all healthy instinct for it.

Samuel Butler

To drive a woman away, tell her that you are unemployed. To bore her, tell her that you are single.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Alcohol is evil … until your loved one gets employed by a brewery.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten and to leave off fighting at once.

Samuel Butler

Employment was invented to make education seem useful.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

When you lose a friend or a lover, those who remain in your life gain (more of your attention).

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Without the door let sorrow lie,And if for cold it hap to die,We'll bury 't in a Christmas pie,And evermore be merry.

George Wither

The reason that man is seldom satisfied with his salary is that when it increases, he increases his expenses.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

There St. John mingles with my friendly bowl The feat of reason and the flow of soul.

Alexander Pope

In love there are two evils: war and peace.

Horace

Some women would not have contracted an STD or STDs had they not been on the pill.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other’s vices.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

The difference is too nice - Where ends the virtue or begins the vice.

Alexander Pope

For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, the flesh being of too tender a consistence to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.

Jonathan Swift

Happiness is a temporary recurring human experience.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Whoever that came up with the idea of people having to have 'a dream' sure knew how to keep these creatures called human beings preoccupied.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

With these words there came the rending scream of a shattered stirk and an angry troubling of the branches as the poor madman percolated through the sieve of a sharp yew, a wailing black meteor hurtling through green clouds, a human prickles.

Flann O'Brien

The orgasm has replaced the Cross as the focus of longing and the image of fulfillment.

Malcolm Muggeridge

I would give something to know for precisely whom the deeds were really done, of which it is publicly stated they were done 'for the Fatherland'.

Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Most employees don’t really want to be highly-paid; they just want to earn more than their peers, and, more importantly, more than their neighbours.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.

Jonathan Swift

When reading a book, you are sold what some writer thought. When reading a newspaper, you are sold what someone did, and, what some advertiser made.

Mokokoma Mokhonoana

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