Comedy Humor Quotes

A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.

When people get into their 30s plus "boyfriend" sounds weird...if you really think about it. Instead, I think we should universally start using the term "manfriend" or "snookie bookie cuddles pie".

One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.

I can fly around the world in one night. I can wink and go up a chimney in a split second. I can be in 500 shopping malls on the same weekend. I can even fit enough gifts for the entire world into one tiny sleigh pulled by eight tiny reindeer, but I CANNOT FIX THIS CONFOUNDED COMPUTER!

I’ve never quite understood why the knuckleheads of the planet so outnumber the rest of us.

I like to think I'm not stupid often, tonight proves that when I am, I do it in a big way.

So, your god is the only god? Okay, but then, so is my dog.