Humorous Quotations Quotes

Wisdom of the Ages: "Humility" If you don't have it, you're gonna get it.

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.

Money can't buy love, except on Valentine’s Day.

Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.

If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this:"He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.

She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?

My mind ran over everything that had happened lately, and running on such thoughts made even my feet hurt.

A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.

A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

Oh God, my stomach must have won a medal- it's doing a lap of honour now.

He was king, if he didn’t have enemies he wasn’t doing it right.

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

Is it a lucky break if you get run over by an ambulance?

Love is a hook; the moment a man swallows it, a woman knows she has him forever.

So, your god is the only god? Okay, but then, so is my dog.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself.

When I am alone, I drink my tea with pinkie raised, like a kid playing "tea party." At times, a fancy British accent is involved. Dahling!

So that's the telephone? They ring, and you run.

Weakness is weaker when discovered by others.

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.