Humor Quote Quotes

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

A mother’s eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.

I love that there's no cutoff where we get labeled and sent off to a home for hopeless, cranky, depressives. Every day is a new chance to listen longer and be braver and love more. We get to try again and again and again.

Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you’re right.

The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.

The easiest way to remember your future wife’s birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.