Wit Quotes

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first

Does the king know you're back?""Nope! I'm trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence.""That sounds… hard.""Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.""I have no idea what you just said.""Yeah, the storming things have real trouble tuning their tonic chords and maintaining just intonation.

That's a very murky position," objected Felix."So's the weather. But this is England, we must learn to live with uncertainty.

JACK.I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can’t go anywhere without meeting clever people. The thing has become an absolute public nuisance. I wish to goodness we had a few fools left.ALGERNON.We have.JACK.I should extremely like to meet them. What do they talk about?ALGERNON.The fools? Oh! about the clever people, of course.JACK.What fools!

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds.

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.

Stupidity is brief and guileless, while wit equivocates and hides. Wit is a scoundrel, while stupidity is honest and sincere.

What is perfectly true is perfectly witty.

Wit defies deathbut death defines wit

Every little action of the common day makes or unmakes character.

if you can’t acquaint an opponent with reason, you must acquaint his head with the sidewalk.

When I battle wits with Jarod Kintz I always feel like I need to take my brain out to give him a transplant. Bad part is we don't have any.

M'sieur, I am as a slave to my wife." He kissed the tips of his fingers. "I am as the dirt beneath her feet." He clasped his hands. "I must bestow on her all that she desires, or die!""Pray make use of my sword, " invited his Grace. "It is in the corner behind you.

Analysis is soul of thought and ghost of wit.

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

He who laughs last laughs ... doesn't get it.

Memories make you sentimental, experiences make you smart.

A poet should be so crafty with words that he is envied even for his pains.

... fantasy is not practice for what is real—fantasy is the opiate of women.

Her face collapsed like a bad poem

I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper.

A true leader leads for the sake of love and his knowledge of the path, a bad leader redirects his followers to the path of destruction.

He had a reputation in society as a man with a lively wit, whose gaiety was pleasant and formidable – which all gaiety must be in a society which would despise you if, while amusing it, you did not make it tremble a little. ("A Woman's Vengeance")

Soar with wit. Conquer with dignity. Handle with care.

Deliver me from my disciples!

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, sociallyspeaking.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Two blind men waited at the end of an era, contemplating beauty.

Father has a strengthening character like the sun and mother has a soothing temper like the moon.

Your wit never ceases to underwhelm me.

When men have come to the edge of a precipice, it is the lover of life who has the spirit to leap backwards, and only the pessimist who continues to believe in progress.

You sounded like Dolly parton on helium."(After kristy lee cook of season 7 on american idol,sang her country rendition of the Beatles'"Eight Days A Week.)

Rebecca was an academic star. Her new book was on the phenomenon of word casings, a term she'd invented for words that no longer had meaning outside quotation marks. English was full of these empty words--"friend" and "real" and "story" and "change"--words that had been shucked of their meanings and reduced to husks. Some, like "identity" and "search" and "cloud," had clearly been drained of life by their Web usage. With others, the reasons were more complex; how had "American" become an ironic term? How had "democracy" come to be used in an arch, mocking way?

Never rely upon a time machine to fix your problems, as everyone knows, they're much too faulty.

There's no greater proof of an impoverished mind than its inability to be witty except at other people's expense.

If you change who you are to suit other people, you may end up dressed for the wrong occasion

So you're a Shadowhunter,' Nate said. 'De Quincey told me that you lot were monsters.''Was that before or after he tried to eat you?' Will inquired.

If you have to explain your sense of humor, then you are performing for the wrong crowd.

Happy hour?" Jason says. "It's barely noon, Grams""Oh, shush, you. You'll have some, yes?'"Well"-he smiles slyly and wiggles his eyebrows-"if you insist". Every time, it's the same thing. Leaning in, he rubs his hands together expectantly. The drinking age in New York State was raised last year, so technically, I suppose, this is still illegal for my grandson. But the Jews didn't spend forty years wandering the desert so that I could forfeit a gin and tonic with my progeny...

My mind ran over everything that had happened lately, and running on such thoughts made even my feet hurt.

Respect cannot be inherited, respect is the result of right actions.

Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.

To be human is to seek beauty, Shallan. Do not despair, do not end the hunt because thorns grow in your way.

Those who are most sincere are also the most morally suspect, as well as being incapable of producing or appreciating wit.

Spanish—how shall I say this?—is likePortuguese spoken with a speech impediment.

I decided to do the easy task of changing situations and conditions by being a hero, than staying back to do the difficult task of changing people by being just a man.

The wit taught by God to the beeIs withheld from the lion and the wild ass.

When she walked by the two officers, they didn't recognize her. "Have you seen the luscious bonbon with the golden braids?" She grinned up at them with such impish mischief that they almost forgot their quest for the singer. "She is with her lover," Hannah said. "But she can always handle one or two more." She winked at them. "Go there, through that door." She made her escape while the uniformed hobbledehoys gawked and gaped and finally burst into the dressing room where Franz, the three-hundred-pound juggling strongman, was adjusting his loincloth. "I ought not do it," Hannah said aloud to herself as chaos erupted behind her. "I just can't seem to help myself. it is a shame, really.

The well of true wit is truth itself.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

In less than a year, the Bush administration will strut out of office, leaving the country in roughly the same condition a toddler leaves a diaper.

Richard looked up to find a thirty-ish, tall, black haired man sauntering towards him with a smile that said “You can trust me”, but really meant “Don’t believe a word I say”. This was Jack, and he hadn’t changed a bit.

Big words from a guy who's trussed up like a turkey. What are you going to do, wobble over here like an upside- down turtle to snap me in half?""The logistics of breaking you are easy. The only question is when.

Sometimes you have to break a rule to save the system.

The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show.

Yes, I'm shallow, I don't mind admitting it. Perhaps I should admit that there's no end to the depths of my shallowness.

I am a mediocre being, a bit cunning.

I follow my own methods, and tell as much or as little as I choose. That is the advantage of being unofficial.

At last a lifetime ambition of mine to become a pimp was satisfied.