Thank Quotes

If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted I beg his pardon.

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.

Some people speak from experience while others from experience don't speak.

Learn to thank God for the things you want but cannot have. Matthew 6:25-34.

Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means "I can't believe I spent ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.

Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

I have no use for these other loves.Seal them shut in jarsand place them in the pantry. A reserve of love.Thank them for their love.They are so kind.Perhaps store them in the fridgeFor others to take.They say love is a panacea. I know it is not.Flakes of snow,no two are alike.When I am down on my knees, hopeless and angry,for the world no longer makes sense,I won't look in the pantry or fridge.It is your hand pressing on my shoulderthat makes me whole,makes me forget.What trouble? What world?

Thank God for His grace.

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.

As I'm smiling but fearing for the worse, he asks if I was in the Navy."NO. THIS IS JUST MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.""WELL, I WAS... FOR NEARLY TWENTY YEARS."I don't know whether he wants me to apologize for impersonating a sailor, thank him for his service, or stop drooling as I melt into his eyes

Remember if God had wanted this to be perfect he never would have had me up here.

Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.

I thank you for not snoring.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.