Quotes by Cartoonists - Page 2

Life has its sunshine and its rain, sir... its days and its nights... its peaks and its valleys...

Charles M. Schulz

Age should not have its face lifted, but it should rather teach the world to admire wrinkles as the etchings of experience and the firm line of character.

Clarence Day Jr.

You’ve seen for yourself that when a sad person enters a room, the mood in the room drops. And when you talk to a cheerful person who is full of energy, you automatically feel a boost. I’m suggesting that by becoming a person with good energy, you lift the people around you. That positive change will improve your social life, your love life, your family life, and your career. When I talk about increasing your personal energy, I don’t mean the frenetic, caffeine-fueled, bounce-off-the-walls type of energy. I’m talking about a calm, focused energy. To others it will simply appear that you are in a good mood. And you will be.

Scott Adams

The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse

Bill Watterson

Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.

Scott Adams

I'd rather be single, happy, and lonely sometimes than married, lonely, and happy sometimes.

Mark Fiore

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.

Shel Silverstein

But Andrew was right about one thing. Human beings need to tell stories. Historically, it's the quickest way we have for transmitting useful information to other members of our species. Stories are not simply nice things to have; they are essential survival tools. And yes, the stories we tell ourselves are just as important as the stories we tell other people.

Hugh MacLeod

Rockabye Baby, in the treetopDont you know a treetopis no safe place to rock?And who put you up there,and your cradle too?Baby,I think someone down herehas got it in for you!

Shel Silverstein

They say you should treat your body like a temple. I treat mine like a fast-moving dumpster.

Matthew Inman

The Little Boy and the Old ManSaid the little boy, "Sometimes I drop my spoon."Said the old man, "I do that too."The little boy whispered, "I wet my pants."I do that too," laughed the little old man.Said the little boy, "I often cry."The old man nodded, "So do I."But worst of all," said the boy, "it seemsGrown-ups don't pay attention to me."And he felt the warmth of a wrinkled old hand.I know what you mean," said the little old man.

Shel Silverstein

Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.

Gary Larson

God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.

Bil Keane

The truth is, there are not two kinds of people. There's only one: the kind that loves to divide up into gangs who hate each other's guts.

Tim Kreider

By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. All you can do during those hours are the things that are exactly like other things you've done in similar situations. Creativity is out of the question. You might argue that you don't notice any difference in your thinking during the afternoon. That's because you're too dazed to notice anything during those hours. I'm sure it's true for me; I believe you could set my eyebrows on fire during the afternoon and I wouldn't notice until sometime the next morning.

Scott Adams

Stephanie had been raped, beaten and left for dead on the Atlantic City Boardwalk several times. You'd think she would have hit rock bottom after those experiences. But no. None of that made her quit. It just made her want to use even more drugs, to forget her miserable life. As long as she could get high, she didn't care if she was being raped in a dark alley. At this point in her life, a lethal overdose probably would have felt like her salvation.

Oliver Markus

Kevyn, I'm promoting you from Tech Sergeant to Munitions Commander. I want you to take responsibility for all Company weapons.Munitions Commander? Why me?I don't know. Call it "suspicion of extreme competence" on my part.-Captain Tagon & Commander Kevyn Andreyasn

Howard Tayler

She has given me a way out.

Alison Bechdel

When he worked, he really worked. But when he played, he really PLAYED.

Dr. Seuss

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

Kin Hubbard

Writing simply means no dependent clauses, no dangling things, no flashbacks, and keeping the subject near the predicate. We throw in as many fresh words we can get away with. Simple, short sentences don't always work. You have to do tricks with pacing, alternate long sentences with short, to keep it vital and alive.... Virtually every page is a cliffhanger--you've got to force them to turn it."~

Dr. Seuss

Our inner fire is the spark of hope that drives us through even the darkest times. Do not be so quick to dismiss it.

Dave Roman

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Matt Groening

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Scott Adams

There is a face beneath this mask, but it isn't me. I'm no more that face than I am the muscles beneath it, or the bones beneath that.

Steve Moore

A broken shoelace can strangle me.

Brian Spellman

All right, so you believe in Santa Claus, and I'll believe in the 'Great Pumpkin.' The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe just so you're sincere! (Linus)

Charles M. Schulz

I always come here when I can't sleep [. . .] every night.

Faith Erin Hicks

There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY."That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.

Jeff Kinney

No matter what I accomplish, it doesn't seem like much compared to surviving Auschwitz.

Art Spiegelman

If it weren't for the unconventionality of my desires, my mind might never have been forced to reckon with my body.

Alison Bechdel

If the mind fits, shrink it.

Brian Spellman

Music is our bidet, man.

Tim Hensley

Look at Charlie Brown's face. Would you please hold still a minute Charlie Brown? I want Linus to study your face. Now this is what you call a failure face, Linus. Notice how it has failure written all over it. Study it carefully Linus. You rarely see such a good example. Notice the deep lines, the dull vacant look in the eyes. Yes, I would say this is one of the finest examples of a failure face that your liable to see for a long while.

Charles M. Schulz

A stupid mule is still smarter than a good horse or a bad man.

Ursula Vernon

If you can't win by reason, go for volume.

Bill Watterson

Worry is absence of faith.

Paul Palnik

School never teaches you about this mangled human slime, it slays me. You spend all your time learning the capital of Surinam while these retards carve their initials in your back.

D.B.C. Pierre

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

Charles M. Schulz

An apology is the superglue of life! It can repair just about anything!!

Lynn Johnston

I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.

Bill Watterson

Nudity and explicit sex are far more easily available now than are clear images of death. The quasi-violence of movies and television dwells on the lively acts of killing – flying kicks, roaring weapons, crashing cars, flaming explosions. These are the moral equivalents of old-time cinematic sex. The fictional spurting of gun muzzles after flirtation and seduction but stop a titillating instant short of actual copulation. The results of such aggressive vivacity remain a mystery. The corpse itself, riddled and gaping, swelling or dismembered, the action of heat and bacteria, of mummification or decay are the most illicit pornography.

Katherine Dunn

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.

Kin Hubbard

All i have to offer is this: i hold a valid driver's license and I know the way to the hospital. I can hang curtains, flip a mattress, load a dishwasher. I can deliver a pizza, lend a steadying arm, laugh at a morbid joke and compliment a bad wig and I know the metric system. I doubt that's gonna be enough.

Brian Fies

The difference between our decadence and the Russians' is that while theirs is brutal ours is apathetic.

James Thurber

The bridge will only take you halfway there, to those mysterious lands you long to see. Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fair, and moonlit woods where unicorns run free. So come and walk awhile with me and share the twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known. But this bridge will only take you halfway there. The last few steps you have to take alone.

Shel Silverstein

Selfishness is not a virtue. Altruism is not a moral weakness. Taxation is the price we pay for civilization.

Darryl Cunningham

I don't trust my mind for everyday thinking, but I am convinced that it has one very great function, which is to eventually make me aware of astounding things.

Jim Woodring

Being a mercenary, though... Hey, we just go wherever there's a mixture of money and trouble, and everyone in the galaxy is a potential customer.Even the people you're paid to shoot at?Well, yeah. There are customers we serve, and customers we service.-Captain Kevyn Andreyasn & General Tagon

Howard Tayler

In the short term, it would make me happy to go play outside. In the long term, it would make me happier to do well at school and become successful. But in the VERY long term, I know which will make better memories.

Bill Watterson

Ask a deeply religious Christian if he’d rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don’t seem so bad lately.

Scott Adams

Many of the younger generation know my name in a vague way and connect it with grotesque inventions, but don't believe that I ever existed as a person. They think I am a nonperson, just a name that signifies a tangled web of pipes or wires or strings that suggest machinery. My name to them is like a spiral staircase, veal cutlets, barber's itch—terms that give you an immediate picture of what they mean.

Rube Goldberg

It's 8a.m. and time to restIt's 10a.m. and time to relaxIt's noon and time for reposeIt's 3p.m. and time for shut-eyeIt's 6p.m. and time for siestaIt's 9p.m. and time to slumberIt's midnight and time to snoozeIt's 4a.m. and time to hang upside down from your bedroom ceiling, screaming.

Francesco Marciuliano

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Bill Watterson

When to others it's not lying. It's privacy.

Brian Spellman

I've discovered a way to stay friends forever - There's really nothing to it. I simply tell you what to doAnd you do it!

Shel Silverstein

A journey of self-discovery is never pointless, Prince Zuko. However dim your path may seem, and however far you may wander from it...the important thing is that you learn from all of your mistakes along the way and never forget for one moment who you are, or what you are struggling to be.

Dave Roman

CALVIN:As usual goodness hardly puts up a fight.

Bill Watterson

Let’s talk about rape for a moment. Rape is not what George Lucas did to your childhood. Rape is not what happens when a sports team beats another sports team by a wide margin. Rape is not what happens when your electric bill is higher this month than it was last month. Rape is when a person violates another person in the most despicable, degrading way imaginable and among the myriad of terrible things humans can do to one another, rape is among the worst. I think the casual misappropriation of the concept of rape extending all the way to its widespread comical usage is disgusting even by Internet standards. Off my chest.

Jeffrey Rowland

If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.

Bill Watterson

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