P.J. O'Rourke Quotes

The whole idea of government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.

If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

Considering what a hot, wed dog smells like, dog stew has a surprisingly savory odor To tell the truth, it tastes pretty good, like oxtail. To be perfectly honest, it's delicious. (Anything about this to my golden retriever, and I'll punch your lights out.)

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

The Hollywooden heads would buy a car for almost any purpose except a worthy one. Many automobiles were purchased to attract members of LA's eight or ten opposite sexes. Since the denizens of America's Gomorrah, were incapable of verbalizing any idea more complex than "box office gross," the expensive car served as a substitute for witty come-on and seductive chat.

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it...

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.