Sarcasm Quotes

If wrappings of cloth can impart respectability, the most respectable persons are the Egyptian mummies, all wrapped in layers and layers of gauze

Come on, there's no one there. You want coffee?" Tess asked."Yeah, sure, why not? I'm only on the brink of a nervous breakdown. I don't imagine why caffeine wouldn't help this situation.

Owr brave little shank!

The Gay' is not infectious, the world is not coming to an end, and people are happy. Gosh, how about that.

Are you insinuatin' that my daughter is a liar?""Oh, no, not at all. I'm saying your daughter is a liar. Surely you can appreciate the difference.

Of course. I died today, and now I'm going to fight aliens with a light saber. Maybe after that we can look for mermaids. Or unicorns.""No," he says. "Just aliens."Was that the barest hint of humour in his tone?

Was Philip Dexter upset?""He's telephoned the office every day."She was pleased about that. "Who else was upset?""Everybody. Roosevelt orderded an hour of silence while you were on the table. Like Armistice Day.

Ah, sarcasm. The final refuge of the desperate.

Hey,” he said. “Hi.” Oh, damn. It was awkward.“What’re you doing?”“Shearing a sheep. It’s cold outside, and I need a new hat.”He paused. “You’re joking, right?”“Yes, Marshall.” I gnawed on my fingers some more and sunk back in my chair.

Wouldn’t you like to know,” I smiled. “I travel. Shit happens.

Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches.

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds.

But you have said it too often, Mr. Benedict!" said Mrs. Perumal in an imperious tone that was quite out of character. "And if you continue in this vein, I'm afraid we'll be compelled to cut our visit short. Surely there are other establishments that would host an entire troup of guests - indefinitely and without reward - and not feel obliged to apologize for it!

Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?

Love is worth dying for, said the spermatozoid.

Shit will always be Shit! No amount of perfume can make it stink less

Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?""Yes," said Harry stiffly."Yes, sir.""There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.

Hi, I'm Dick," I said."Yeah, I've heard that about you.

I’ve been surrounded by nitwits my entire life.

The mage pulled my knife out of his side and looked at it. “Nice knife.” The voice was deep but female.I threw my second knife. The blade bit into the mage’s chest. Shit. Missed the neck. “Here, have another one.

And what are your interests and hobbies, Nicholas?" Annabel asked faintly, sounding like a cross between a television interviewer and a hostage. Nick considered this for a minute, and then said "I like swords." Annabel leaned over her plate and asked, her voice changing "You fence?" "Not exactly," Nick drawled. "I'm more freestyle.

Sarcasm is wasted on those who haven’t had a decent night’s sleep, my darling.

Mystics are all a bit funny in the head anyway," the priest added cynically, "which is why the church locks them all up in mental hospitals and euphemistically calls these institutions monasteries.

Say this one time with me: "Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?"... Good. Now memorize it, because starting tomorrow, the only job that you're going to be able to get is selling SHOES!

You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed.

His voice, the very sound of rolling eyes.

Andrew just shrugged, and I fiddled with the napkin in my lap while glancing idly around the restaurant. The obligatory mirrors hung on the walls, and there was one of those fountains with fake lily pads in the entryway. The restaurant was also lit like a mine shaft. I've never understood why dim lighting is supposed to be so romantic. Night vision belongs into a Paris Hilton sex tape - not in a restaurant that could potentially poison me with peanut sauce.

Sometimes, I think, that in the mornings when you first wake up, every thing that happened in the previous day rushes through our mind so fast, we, A: Don't realize it. B: Become more tired, die a little inside, and become groggy. Since everyday, we die a little inside we age closer and closer to death. We constantly grow older, and we're constantly dying. Therefore, don't wake me up early, or I'll take it that you wanted to kill me.

So does anyone have a good survival strategy, or is there no hope for getting out of this nightmare?’ asks the Colonel.‘We came up with a big, fat zero. I don’t know how we’re going to survive the blood hunt,’ says Dee.‘That wasn’t the nightmare I was referring to,’ says the Colonel. ‘Death by stupid comments is what I was talking about.

It's not hard to fail...it's hard to accept you failed...but once that's out of the way, it's pretty smooth sailing

You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?''Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer.

I wouldn’t be caught dead sacrificing myself for this country.

It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest.

You don't have to make fun of it.""Actually I do," I said. "I make fun of almost everything.

it's a losing battle at this point,but so was the alamo

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?""If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be.

Need I say more?''No, because you're wrong, and I'd hate for you to keep embarrassing yourself.

He checked his parachute and launched himself into the Sea of Sarcasm.--Havana Red

You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss?

It’s bad enough barging into Guild property, but we’ll get into really serious trouble if we shoot anyone. Lord Vetinari won’t stop at sarcasm. He might use’ - Colon swallowed - ‘irony.

Here is a man whose life and actions the world has already condemned - yet whose enormous fortune...has already brought him acquittal!

Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster

She could be a fire hazard. Maybe we should remove her from the ship before she spontaneously combusts.

I admire all my three sons-in-law highly. Wickham, perhaps is my favourite; but I think I shall like your husband quite as well as Jane's.

It's kind of depressing, if you think about it. I mean, me being so young, and yet so cynical and suspicious.

Eragon went to see the dragon for the first time since it had spoken to him. He approached apprehensively, aware now that it was an equal."Eragon.""Is that all you can say?" he snapped."Yes."His eyes widened at the unexpected reply, and he sat down ro

There’s been a lot written on the topic of minimalism. But I still believe in it.

Great,' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically.

I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.

Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can't even finish my second apple pie.

The problem is not that people make any bond of affection they like with people they like; the problem is calling that bond of affection "love.

Weapons master is giving me special lessons." she (Amily) chuckled. " He calls then How Not To Get Killed lessons.

You were dropped as a child, weren't you?" Varen asked her."Maybe once or twice," Gwen said, "but at least I wasn't raised by highly literate vampires who, every night just before bed, fed me a steady diet of dark sarcasm and gothic horror fiction.""Every morning before bed," Varen corrected. Stepping forward, he moved toward the headstone. "We slept during the day.

Well, OK then." He narrowed his eyes. "How about you? Do you have any...romances I should know about?""Nope. Not one.""Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun."She smiled. "I'm glad you have such ambitious dreams for me.

Where are Haldad my father, and Haldad my brother? If the king of Doriath fears a friendship between Haleth and those who have devoured her kin, then the ways of the Eldar are strange to Men.

I am not being overly harsh. Overtly hostile, yes, but exactly the right amount of harsh.

That's quite gallant of you. After you've ignored me for the better part of a week, like a boy half your age with twice your charm.

Push my buttons, and I'll push you off a bridge. 

Acardi! We should have killed him on the spot and you wouldn't let me! You didn't even listen.""Fine," I said, glaring at him. "Next time you want to commit murder, give me a call. You dagger them, I'll chop them into little tiny pieces and toss them into the East River."For the first time, I noticed the shadows beneath his eyes, the gauntness on his face. He lowered his voice, rubbing his temples as if he had a migraine. "This isn't the time for sarcasm, Liana.""No, apparently it's murder time.

Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness.