Yous Quotes

If there is anyone here whom I have not insulted I beg his pardon.

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you.

Some people speak from experience while others from experience don't speak.

Nouvelle cuisine roughly translated means "I can't believe I spent ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry."

The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.

If Noah found himself back on Earth you can bet all he would recognize would be the jokes.

Ladies and gentlemen you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.

Remember if God had wanted this to be perfect he never would have had me up here.

Don't worry if your "you" is small and your rewards are few: Remember that the mighty oak was once a nut like you.

I thank you for not snoring.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.