Cynical Humor Quotes

Believe you me, I am all for you; and wish you well - for you to go to hell.

I do not want to sound cynical or condescending, but your lips are moving, your mind unbending.

I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side.

Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.

It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes.

If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category,” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.

So, your god is the only god? Okay, but then, so is my dog.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.