Quips Quotes

I never said "I want to be alone." I only said "I want to be left alone." There is all the difference.

We also serve who only punctuate.

Sometimes a cigar is only a cigar.

Fatigue is the best pillow.

No Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

The ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now if I was a grave digger or even a hangman there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

In uplifting get underneath.

There's a wonderful family called Stein There's Gert and there's Epp and there's Ein: Gert's poems are bunk Epp's statues are junk And no one can understand Ein.

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

I used to be snow-white . . . but I drifted.

I have admired W.C. Fields since the day he advanced upon Baby LeRoy with an ice pick. Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.

A nimble sixpence is better than a slow shilling.

A man surprised is half beaten.

Evil spelled backward is live.